Been there, done that, and still doing it. How many times have you second guessed yourself as you walk into an interview room? You start pondering whether the interviewer will approve you for the position or your resume will go to the rejection pile.
It not just about jobs, we can also exhibit fear of rejection in relationships. You would rather play safe than be the real you to the one you are dating. Trust me; I don’t like putting my heart on the line too. Rejection is painful, and many of us would rather avoid it than go through it.
We long to belong, to fit in with others, even if it’s just one other person. As John Amodeo Ph.D., MFT says, we are afraid that rejection will confirm our fears. Maybe you think you are not good enough or you feel like fate is not on your side, and you will forever be single.
As these thoughts that are found on the fear spin in our minds, we may become agitated, depressed and even anxious. Every time I have to publish an article, I have to push myself to do it. Yes, procrastination plays a significant role, but fear is the biggest of them all.
I would rather blame KPLC for power blackout than get myself to work on an idea and publish it on my blog. It’s so easy to blame inaction on another person than face my fears head-on.
Recognizing Fear of Rejection
Do you fear rejection? You may not realize it, but fear of rejection can creep up at the most unexpected times. It often hides behind a veil of excuses. Check out the following symptoms by IQ Matrix to assess yourself:
• Are you always bothered by what people think of you?
• Do you find it difficult to say no, even when you need to?
• When interacting with other people, is it difficult to voice a contradicting opinion from the shared beliefs?
• Are you not assertive?
• Do you continuously desire to appear or act like others?
• Do you hold some people superior to you?
Mark Tyrell, a Therapist says, our fear of rejection can be the cause of losing everything that we fear to lose. If you fear rejection, all hope is not lost. You can take measures to overcome this.
How to Overcome the Fear of Rejection
While fear can keep us alert and safe; too much fear holds us back from trying new things. We have to seek reassurance continually. It needs to come from within you and not from other people. In a relationship, in particular, fear of rejection can cause you to become clingy and needy.
You tend to interpret, words, actions, and even looks, wrong. You may see it as an upcoming rejection when it isn’t. You abandon others before they reject you. How do you regain your reassurance in yourself?
- Learn to Deal with it
Our emotions and physical state affect our cognitive state. That’s why you may find yourself mad at the whole world just because one person gave you a rough time. In the face of rejection, you need to be calm and act rationally.
You need to realize that rejection happens to everybody, even if it may seem like you are always on the receiving end. It is a typical occurrence. Remember that you can only control yourself and not others.
Once you understand that there is a possibility of rejection, then, the blow wouldn’t be as hard, if you hadn’t. You will be ready to heal when you embrace the emotions that arise from rejection
2. Gain Clarity
To face your fears, you need to understand what leads to it. Delve deeper into your actions when you experience the fear of rejection. It is time to identify the behavior that you indulge in when this anxiety kicks in. Find alternative ways to work through your fears.
When we fear rejection, we often put up imaginary obstacles on our way. When I need to post one more article on my blog, I always take refuge in not wanting to have an online presence. After all, the world keeps spinning whether I post an article or not.
Be honest with yourself and purpose to change.
3. Constructive Imagination
To double back, you have to think differently. Use your imagination to rehearse acting or feeling differently in a particular situation. If we feel differently towards a specific setting, it will help us change the way we think.
Train yourself to face your fears constructively. Know that you will still survive even if someone leaves you for another. When you get the regret mail from a potential employer, it doesn’t mean that your prospects of earning a substantial income, is doomed.
Ignore your past investment. It is gone. Breathe through your doubts.
4. Turn it into strength
As the proverbial phrase goes, “when life gives you lemons make lemonade.” You can use your fear as a source of power. It doesn’t make you fear, less but it won’t have a hold on you. Don’t let fear control your actions.
Focus on the task that your fears are holding you back from performing. See it through. Don’t focus on the imaginary obstacles that are forming in your mind.
One of your new year resolutions should be getting hold of your fears. Don’t let your fear of rejection keep you from submitting your application or launching that new idea that you have kept in mind for a long time. It is time to take charge and control.
Just because they said no, doesn’t mean that you are less worthy. You’ve got to believe in yourself. When you feel like you always know, even when you don’t, you need to start questioning yourself. You will have to distrust your opinion, once in a while.
Learn to take risks, even in the face of rejection. I know it may be difficult at times, but we need to try.