The dilemma of the modern-day woman; This is Us Ss3 ep 17

     On finding yourself, choosing marriage, and building a career.

 

It was love at first sight when Randall laid his eyes on Beth. Their first date went wrong (for Beth mainly), but to Randall, that’s when he knew he would marry her.

Seven years later, their relationship is on solid ground, and Randall is ready for marriage. He does as expected and proposes to her. Beth’s response to the proposal is “Not yet.”

That was progress.

Beth had said “no” the first time. Then it was, “She still needed to figure her life out.” One of her main worries was that they would consume each other in marriage.

 

Finding Yourself   

For a woman, if you desire to have a family, you’ve got to work within a timeline. More so, if you want to bring life into this world. The ticking biological clock is continuously at the back of your mind.

The Best Age to Get Pregnant   

According to science, fertility reduces from the ages of 32-35 years. Still, if you do get pregnant around this period, you are at risk of several complications. We may call this the unfairness of being female, but it’s the hand nature has dealt us.

Therefore, depending on the years you’ve lived, you may need to start thinking about starting aa family, soon. If you are the kind of woman who hopes to get her life in order before you consider having a family, you may have to do this within the same timeframe. Woe unto you if you take longer to figure things out.

Typically, one has to choose from these two options. Either opt to have a go at starting a family and let destiny play its course. However, you should remember that once you have kids tagging along, it may get a tad more challenging to get back to chasing your dreams.

Alternatively, you could choose to pursue your dreams, until you are ready mentally, emotionally, and otherwise to start a family. It comes with the possibility of having to give up on raising your biological kids unless you go the surrogacy way.

Even though getting married was in the cards for Beth; she didn’t want to lose herself in her partner. That no one would have to bend over backward for the marriage to keep steady, she desired to become a team in the union.

To achieve this, she desired to find her footing, discover who she was, and develop herself as an individual, separate from who would be her partner.

Family
Photo by Benji Aird on Unsplash

Choosing Marriage

When she’s finally ready for marriage, Beth asks Randall to propose to her. The rest is history!

Not really.

Now a young family and everybody doing their best to invest in the marriage. Occasionally, Beth looks for opportunities to get a break from being a mom and a wife. Even if it’s saying she’ll be attending a conference, so she could have a few hours to be a woman without too many responsibilities.

In a few words, she sometimes needed some damn space just to be.

Most mothers want the best for their children. And they would do anything and everything to shelter them from the harsh reality of life. That includes providing for their every need.

Some women don’t mind being stay-at-home moms/wives. Others love to do something other than just housework and being a caregiver. Still, both of them need some time off once in a while.

In either case, the desire for some space doesn’t make them any less of a woman/mother. However, discord often arises when one of the partners is burdened with all responsibilities that pertain the household.

Taking care of the kids, laundry, cooking, organization, and planning everything family and house related.

Beth was yearning for days when Randall would chip in and let her take time off to rejuvenate. Time for her to spend even just one weekend, ordering room service, rewatching her favorite films, and taking a hot bath with a bottle of wine.

 

Building a Career

Several years into marriage, Beth loses her job (despite being great at it), and this sets her on a path of discovering her next move. It’s this journey that takes her back to her childhood passion of becoming a ballet dancer. She tries pursuing it as a teacher of Ballet and falls in love with the industry, once again.

Tess (their eldest daughter) is now in her adolescence. It’s a tumultuous period for her as she is discovering her sexuality as a gay girl. It’s taking a toll on her, and she needs a little more TLC and guidance from her parents to navigate this stage in her life.

Randall has just switched careers and taken a new path into politics. As one who sees to it that he delivers to his promise, he devotes most of his time in pursuit of the vocation. He has received support from Beth all the way. His dreams have always become hers, too.

It becomes a momentous period in their marriage. Who’s going to compromise to make the family setting work? Being there for the kids and still live their dreams.

Celebrating life's goodness
Photo by ELEVATE from Pexels

It’s the woman, who always has to brave the long, awkward nine months of pregnancy — not fully understanding the changes happening to your body and wondering if you will be a “good enough” mother to your baby.

After giving birth, it’s expected that you put your career on pause to nurture the newborn. Also, this is an excellent time to foster a solid bond with your baby.

 

The importance of early bonding on the long-term mental health and resilience of children

Randall and Beth have faced many hurdles before. Like many wives, Beth used to bend to his needs, time, and time again. This time, however, she isn’t willing to let go of something she has been looking for her whole life.

Judging from Randall’s actions; it looks like he views his path in Politics, of more value than Beth’s decision to pursue Ballet. After all, she’s just training “some bored housewives how to dance.”

He isn’t willing to let Beth finally own the show and pursue her passion. That “she had her awakening 20 years, too late.”

The same transpired between Randall’s parents. When his mother, Rebecca, decided to go back to pursuing her passion for music, Jack (his father) would not have it. Even though it’s what she was doing when they met, but she put it on hold to build her family.

 

All Beth, desires, is for the marriage to be a partnership. Where everybody gets the same opportunity to discover who they are, pursue their dreams, and give to the family, as much as they can.

She finally finds a missing piece in her life. As would most people, she’s not willing to give it up, this time.

Not too much to ask, but this seems to be the last straw to this grounded relationship, we’ve grown to love and admire.

The question remains, is there a right time for a woman to say no, I need to do this for me?

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